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of medication sucks. This brain tumor sucks. I suck.

Everything feels out of kilter. When pissed off, scared, mad, etc., my adrenaline (or cortisol levels) seem completely screwed up, my body temperature is always cold, I’m exhausted, not just a little bit tired, but I can literally go to bed at 8pm, sleep for 8 to 10 hours, and still feel tired. Sometimes I don’t even feel connected to myself. Like I’m on the outside looking in… or maybe it’s just a bad dream that will soon be over.

I often wonder… while my head’s in the toilet trying to keep pills down, or while I’m cleaning the shower drain from hair that used to be connected to my head…

Am I damaged goods?

Is my spirit broken?

And now what? Just what the hell am I supposed to do? Scream? Cry? Laugh? Grin and bare it? Suck it up? Well that’s what I’ve been doing. Screaming. Crying. Laughing (that hysterical laughter when you’re scared out of your mind). Bearing it. And yes, doing a whole lot of sucking it up. God help me.

Smile