Smile

I’ve learned from my old cat Poncho. He and I were alike from the beginning. A loner, a little scrappy, a little rough, but loyal to the end.

10 years ago when we first met, he was the neighborhood tom. He belonged to someone else, but they never treated him very well. So he would always come by for a scratch behind the ears and a few treats. When we lived in the mountains, the winters were tough. So he began to hang out more and more. His owners thought it was “cool” the way he would get into fights and never saw fit to have him neutered. He got into one too many fights and showed up one day severely infected and full of maggots. I took him in, cleaned him up, had him neutered and when we moved…. he adopted us as his parents. We never said a word and just took him with us. I doubt he was even missed.

For the last 3 years, when I was at my sickest he taught me many valuble lessons.

He taught me appearances meant nothing. He loved me whether I had a thick head of hair, or only 4 hairs.

He taught me life was worth surviving. While he was recovering from the fire… as bits and pieces of his ears kept falling off, he would lay on my chest with his nose pressed against my neck, purring. Telling me that I too would recover.

He taught me not to sweat the small stuff. There was nothing so traumatic that a small cat nap couldn’t fix.

He taught me that true friendship is a gift.

He taught me that life is most certainly short. Have fun.

He taught me that love is unconditional.

I’ve been calling, no screaming for him. He was my child and he’s been gone for 6 days. I don’t think he’s going to make it home. My biggest fear is that he laid in pain, in this heat and I couldn’t find or hear him….. or that he was killed and eaten by a coyote. Was he scared? Were his last thoughts of trying to get home? I wasn’t with him. I should have been there for him. Oh my god, he was alone.

I’m still hoping against hope he will show up. I’ve been walking and scouring the area for miles and miles. If even just to find his body, so that I can bury him, so he can rest in peace.
My heart has never ached this much.
I miss him so much.
He is my child.
And now this love that once felt so good, has become pain.