Smile

“Life often seeks to sustain itself, the question is, do you honestly and truly believe that?” was the comment left by Liara Covert on my last entry. She also left this one, ”Whether or not you desire to heal begins inside yourself. Rather than wait for any physician or another person to acknowledge how sick you feel you are, ask yourself if you’re ready to face how you feel.”

For me the answer to her first question, is yes. And yes I also believe the desire to heal begins inside myself. And though I believe in the law of attraction, the power of positive thinking, as I am still regularly working out, meditate, implement connected breathing and strengthening techniques through yoga and I am constantly trying to further educate myself in the realms of good nutrition and supplements.

I also believe that knowledge is power. I believe in science and keeping detailed, duplicate medical records, MRI’s, and Dr.’s “office notes”. I like taking a pro-active approach, rather than a re-active approach.

Yes, I am ready to face how I feel. Yes, I believe she is also right on saying, healing begins inside myself. I hit the ground running every morning I get out of bed. For Ms. Covert to infer I do not, is insulting. I have an aggressive approach with my doctors. My records are so detailed, they will ask me for my lab results. It saves me valuable time and money.  I will not allow anyone to treat me as an over stressed or over emotional woman. I am however, a 43 year old female with a history of a macroadenoma. Before my correct diagnosis, I went through NUMEROUS doctors, neurologists, nurse practitioners, acupuncture, accupressure, meditation, message therapy, creative visualization, medical journals, books, books and more books. While all had some positive approaches, suggestions and information…. there was a scientific and physical reason why I was loosing my hair, slurring my speech and having the “ice pick” in the head headaches.

I did not need anti-depressants. I did not need sleeping pills. I did not need to seek a psychologist or therepy. What I needed was an MRI to show I had a slightly larger than a golf ball size tumor on my pituitary gland. Ah yes, there would be the acknowledgement I needed, the validation to somehow prove to myself, I was not losing my mind and to start treating what was wrong, so that I could begin to heal myself.

So when I write in this blog… it’s the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes it’s the really ugly. It’s how I work through my illness, my physical challenges, my attitudes (good, bad and ugly) and also my constant thirst for knowledge in the pituitary gland. I learn from mistakes (mine and the medical field) then make better choices and better decisions for my future.

Buy identifying either the fear, the anger, the frustration, or anything else that is negative in my life, I can then try to disarm it.  I like steering my own course and treatment. But yes, I need my doctors to acknowlege me, so that the appropriate tests, labs, MRI’s, etc. and or treatments can be made. Saving me yet more valuable time, giving me a much better chance at recovery and good health.

So the encouraging comments are welcomed, the suggestions for books are MUCH appreciated, but the…. constructive critisism… if that’s what Ms. Covert’s remarks are… come pretty damn close to being offensive. 

Perhaps she is right. Perhaps I need thicker skin. What I don’t need is patronizing comments from someone I’ve never met.

Yet I must confess Dr. Covert, you’ve sparked my interest. 

Come on back. I’m game.

SMILE